refections of hippies and Goddess and Goodnesss

A few days ago a adopted some plants to place in my front garden one rose bush and a wisteria bush from Home Depot... I use the word adopt because I think I am becoming one of the nutty Hippies that used to live in my neightborhood in L.A. during the sixties before the Manson Family arrived and my mother became a verbal champion of Hippies,,,,, Strange for her since she was a Hawk and a staunch republican but she perferred hippies over bikers any time of the day and made certain everyone knew that... I had a friend in school who was named Meadow and also one who proudly announced to friends her mother was a Witch and Psychic I thought that was the coolest..... Halloweeen was a holiday made for children and adults knew this and behaved for one night of the year....

Then I grew up and married, got divorced and went into recovery and saw a shadow cover the land... It started with the demonization of atheists and agnostics in recovery literature and then I moved to the Bible Belt and in a moment of satori enlightment I saw recovery for what it was the last net of christianity trowling for converts among the ill instead of medical help for the sick..... I saw that I had a choice be part of the problem or be free..... So I left recovery and entered life, a political, opinionated and emotional life things all feared and hated among the serene and serenity seekers.....I learned that my opinion counts and acceptance is not an option if it means status quo and complacency..... It is also a rich spiritual and mystical life.... I am ill but also I am alive and I will never allow serene complacency rule my life and turn it into a half-life...

To live life one must be constantly learning because reality is not constant..........to love life one must be willing to feel even if it is fear, anger or lust..... one must be willing to feel love and compassion..... the lesser emotions and the finer emotions are what make people> People without them we live in a state of shame and lack of understanding. To be able to empathize with someone you must be able to feel or have been able to feel what they are feeling.... Unability to empathize means one can not really form true compassion.... What one will feel for the other is pity and not true compassion....To be angry is to be alive, to be wrathful is to allow anger to grow from benficiality to an emotion hurtful and destructive....God does not feel wrath because She is too wise to allow Her anger to grow to such lengths... It is humankind that has placed on the Divinity a face of man and placed on Her what is weakness and rarely a true strength...... We want God to be Like us forgetting that God Is Pure SAnctity, sacredness, Holiness and Love.... All that is good Is God/DEss... Humankind has only scratched the surface of goodness but she is the embodiment of it...... society subconsciously knows this because GOODNESS AND GODDESS SO closely spelled alike...GOD IS GOOD but GODDESS IS TRUELY GOODNESS.

Oh well and Oh hell

politics in America is showing itself to be ever Illogical and alot like religious Dogma all said must be taken with a grain of salt. Unfortunately there is not enough bitters in the world to make this much salt palatable..... Sometimes do you not wish you could be a character in a fantasy novel a go hiking and end up in the fey realm and just chilll with beings that can tell you this to will pass and you believe them because they are immotal and saw the same shenanigans going on in ancient AThens during election time...

So now a black man is not black enough... A female politician is not feminist enough and a man who had his city hit by two large scale terrorist attacks is hunky-dory.... Oh Well I thought Limbuagh was on drugs what is the problem with the rest of the media...... Edwards has caved into Xian fascists..... But that does not surprise me after his wife's below the belt attack (she is just lucky none of edwards chippees have surfaced yet to be acting holier than Hillary.)

I now know what drove Alec Baldwin's Infamous Getting out DOdge statement if Bush won.... It was a disgust for what passes for Logic at around election time that pissed him off.... Maybe it is the campaign commercials being created right now maybe they do have Theta waves or beta waves that scramble the brain I need to talk to my paranoid brethren about that, maybe they are paranoid and right, like on the bumper-sticker.

For people of reason now a collective Ommmmm must be said for it is election season and it loooks like a doozy and the floozies have not come out of the closet (female or male) as of yet....

I will add a good thing I hope my tulips all come out this season last year only a quarter bloomed and we had only one frost the winter before... When people complain to me about the weather I always think about my bulbs and appreciate the cold without them and the snow I would living in a So. CA. bible belt Yeckkk... Oh that is florida.

Oh for the life of me

I am going to talk about fashion again. It is strange yesterday there was nothing on TV so I watched the style channel and watched more or less what they were going to try to shove american women into this coming year. It was hysterical and shows again the lack of imagination among the elite when it comes to what professes to be taste. This year american women with money will be made to dress like 18-year old drugutantes and starlets. As I watched I could only think Paris will be happy for she will have realised that she has made her mark on the fashion world. I saw nothing on the catwalk that working women who do not fantasize about being in a rap video could wear. I know that fashion is a frivolous prusuit and despite The Devil Wears Prada it is not going to change the world to for the better at least the way they are right now, the color cerulean or not. But can not these people at least pretend that they think a woman has a brain and is not moonlighting when she gets out of bed.

I know America worships youth it is nothing new read F. Scott that was his mantra in the 20's and 30's. I do believe that the equating young women and whoredom does women everywhere a disservice and it makes for the next generation a harder time being taken serious in the real world. Youth and excess do not need to be held as synonomous descriptives. I have seen many young people with discipline and many are young girls.... If we hold up to our young women the example of only whore or virgin than it is societies fault that they fail... Yes Style makers you are part of society and you need to step up to bat when it comes to responsiblity.... You love taking credit for a societal trend but when it goes bad you run from responsibility of starting it, quicker that deadbeat father on child support day.

Sitting here in the hinterlands of America I run across alot of people who think because they parK their arses on a pew every sunday they are superior to the rest of america, the heartland. My husband always says well they are close to the area but it is more like under the arm.(and he is a Native). These people are not offering young women any positive reinforcement besides signing Abstinent pledges which will give their young boyfriends more incentive to pop their cherries. Nothing like getting a girl to break a pledge to boost a guys ego.

I do not believe that adults have young people best interests at heart. If they did they would not start wars or vote in cretins that believe pollution is good for the environment. No children,,, adults and parents have their own agenda not your wellbeing at heart Why? Because adults have convinced themselves that the agenda is your well being and also the said well being of the rest of the world. Rarely do they ask themselves any searching logical, ethical and moral questions. Rarely do They believe that the agenda might be all right for them but bad news to others..... The sad fact is that the agenda is usually as much poison to these adults as to everyone else....Would we live in a pollution ridden world with people buying Hummers if the agenda was really a beneficial set of beliefs.... The sixties and military service taught me to question authority.... Especially the ones raising you.

Good-Bye from the HINTERLANDS.

The urge to notify

Why is there a need among certain so-called free thinkers to tell us how terrible something is?. That is being hidden in society and promulgated by a group of elite people believing themselves good, yet are devils handpeople. These people always make certain everyone knows they are feminists or live on the street or did something related to the evil so that they are an expert at the thing they are exposing or not that, then an expert at the people either engaged in the said evil or promulgating it. I grew up in the sixties and so I seen this going on with drugs. It is an update on the, I smoked a joint got hit by a car, testimonial we heard as teenagers. What we were thinking, as this was being told to us, was do not walk in the street when high, you will get run over. I did not think that pot was 100% to blame and why did not the car stop when it saw the pedestrian.

Unfortunately I and many others have an incurable disease: logic. People who are studying or profess to be pagan are caught having killed somebody.... The local procescutor immediately associates the religious practices as causing said murder.... Why? Because there is nothing a prosecutor likes to tell a good christian jury more is that the criminal defendant is a worshipper of a decadent and evil religion. Since using this technique on jewish criminal defendants is passe', all these prosecutors hate mongering WAS tempered but then came WICCA and other PAGANS and the ability to accuse a minority of evil returned. So welcomed is this new opportunity for city government to practice a hate crime it has been taken up with a zeal matched only by redneck on GAy pride day.

Please future non-fiction writers of america. Feminsts have a right to be goddess-worshippers or atheists, MS. Denfield, you have the right to practice illogic.... But if you are going to make arguement about something, then please head to a logic class forthwith.

Blaming crime on the PAGAN RELIGIONS is ignorant and shows that a person is imbibed with lazy thinking.... Also HATE-MONGERING .... Unfortunately this is the same behaviour that Romans used to excuse persecuting the Christians and christians use to presecute any and everyone else....

No religion has a monopoly on crime, although there are in the prison systems population a greater percentage of people raised christian or profess to be christian that in the regular world. I would think, religion caused the crime prosecution would be something that christains would shy away from considering how many of their adherents commit crimes.

Donuts and spare change

yesterday for Imbolc I went to VA hosp for some poking and prodding . It involved fasting. When it was over I went over to get a donut and to take my medication. When that horrible veteran hating communist (not my Description but Neo con friends and family) Clinton was in office I would have gone to the commissary and had a four dollar lunch, but the military loving ex-vet Bush got rid of that. So I went to get a free donut. Something happened that never happened before I got carded and the donut was stale. The women needed to see my VA card before giving me a cup of joe and a donut. Before these donuts were for Vets and family members and were always fresh. It was then that the despicable nature of the Shrub family was revealed. Is Bush so evil that we need to demand that his new uniform include a fake moustache, a cape and a top hat. Must we also demand that he change his name to LeGree.

Does he sit up at night and think up new ways to achieve villiany. WAS he brushing his teeth one day last month and said to himself, "All that donut money! Those disabled Vets do not need it they are getting free medical help anyway. Yes, I found a way to fund the surge, Cheney will be sooo proud of me!!

The only other scenario is that America is so bankrupt it must CAge money from Disabled vets Donut funds. Then we need to start taxing religious institutions for getting us in this mess with a Republican government. But then they would have to have a voice in government. Oh Gee Is not that what they are forcing on the American people NOw without the even paying one penny in taxes. There is something rude about a people that want run everything, but not help in paying for the upkeep. A little bit of an imperialistic attitude one would say. That does not mesh well with humility and goodness they keep telling us they are imbibed with.

poetry day for the fire festival

Today I decided to give my blog a piece of my poetry instead of a piece of my mind. And to my friends yes I know that I am an opinionated, cranky, mean sarcastic slag on the internet and on my blogs and since starting them I have now a great deal of peace of mind. I donot write them to be inspirational and I do not care who reads them. To me they do for me what screaming out of a window did for all people in Network when Peter Finch implored them to shout I am not taking it anymore. If you want nice and serene and equanimity go find a Buddhist blog. Those things are not to be in my life's backpack in this lifetime around, I am learning that being a bitch can be great fun. NOw on with the poetry.

Going Home

The wind is my lover
Softly he caresses my cheek

When all is over
Soft will my Ashes blow

Beyond the leeward side
Return me to my lover

Beyond the Isle's sky
I shall pass over

Sophia not public domain December 1998 copyrighted


Ruminations while Stargazing

A hurried day
seems endless now

The quiet night
so far away

Forgotten dreams
spin in my mind

They whirl around
with anxious thoughts

Soon daylight peaks
and starts to wane

In twilight mist
a sight appears

Does calm my mind
and soothe my soul

A tinsel star glows
with the gloom

A rising cresent
start's it way

It charts a path
along the stars

That glow much
brighter in the sky

The twilight dies
a night is born

I see a void
Her glory grows

The darkness shows
Her proud black brow

Within the void
I hear a song

The planets spin
with lyric sound

All I see
night's fine dress

The beauty of
Her signature

From here to there
past everywhere

This day I learn
what is the truth

The universe's hand
held out

That Nature holds
us in Her palm

She is life
and life is sweet

sophia copyrighted March 1999 not public domain

PEDOPHILIA, responsibilty and tragedy

I need to talk about something that many people do not understand and use to spread hatred and ignorance. The belief that pedophile can be Gay. That is not true that pedophiles are homosexual despite what the preacher tells you. A PEDOPHILE IS A PEDOPHILIAC THAT IS A PERVESION AND A DISEASE. A pedophile can prefer one sex over the other, girl-children over boys...but they do not have any aversion to the sexual assault of children not of their favorite type victims sex, because to them having sex with a child is paramount. Many are married and have sex with adults of the opposite SEx, that fact in itself should blow out of the water, the pedophiles are Gay theory .

Another disturbing tread the Catholic priests are gay. Used to excuse the pedophiliacs in the church. 30% of child molestation victims are Female of priests. We hear nothing about them because the church is putting a, Why they were gay!, spin on why this tragedy and crime occured. Also young girls are of little concern to the religious community except to badger with Abstinence pledges. Because of Eve the female sex must and should suffer in matters of sex by god's order. This accusation of Gayness makes it easy for intelligent women to excuse the churches anti-female stance and still quiet the fear , that maybe feminists are right, the church is too corrupt and too entrenched with anti-female sentiment to be saved or even to bother saving. All the anti-Female stuff can be excused with OF COURSE they are GAy. Accusing the priests of homosexuality allows all christian leaders to say to men that Jesus loves you don't go away it is the gays who are evil. Not the bible we are not anti hetorsexual sex just don't do it with good christian girl, unless married to her. Homophobia is providing the Christian Church with biggest responsiblity dodge since WE MUST KILL(pagans, jews and any one else), because god and the Book of Revelation says so. Yeah Xians are not big on personal or social responsibility when it comes to their religious organizations or literature. REad biblical law a nice essay on who to attack and kill when they piss us off. THAT IS LIFE IN THE BIG CITY.

Man-hating, Feminist and relationship.

I always wondered as a young adult why there was a word in the English language for the hatred of women and it is a pretty and fancy word. Yet, women are only allowed manhater or thanks to Rush( president of the little wee wee club) femi-nazi. It seems that some men were so proud of their woman hating that they need a fancy term to justify it. Why he is not a man who hates women, that's gay, He is a mysognist. May- be it is just that before women got book learnin it was way to hide from some poor future wife or mother-in-law the true nature of a man.

But do feminists hate men or is it the behaviour that some men do and the attitudes of these men been taught and developed, that feminist hate. Yeah women are and were oppressed and so there are bitter feminists. Then there are the feminist that know, yes, men can be so much more better, I prescribe to that philosophy. I found that as with any relationship, if you need to pander the person and stroke their ego when it is already large to begin with then unhappiness will reign in the relationship.

Number one marriage for me was case in point. A man who cannot respect their partner and find at least one talent worth bragging to the world. The need for that man to continue telling you nasty things in hope of improving your character bodes badly for the relationship. If a man needs to improve you it means you are not the person he wants or really cares for. It is that future somebody is the apple of his eye. Having been on the recieving end of that behaviour I Can tell women who like save men or view them as projects. The men you are with know that it is not them you love , but that future somebody and that is what is making them so angry.

Husband Number two is different Why because A. like him and B> I never hid my feminism .
C. Having worked in the middle East he knew everything in MS. magazine was correct.
If a man does not believe women are oppressed forget it . IT means he doesnot believe women are people and he will always have a reason for why he comes first. This is not a case of education or intelligence but of attitude and when a dealing with a person as any mother of a teenager knows attitude is paramount in getting through to the individual.

A feminist can have a loving relationship with a man and a heterosexual male can love a feminist. neither is exclusive of the other. Despite what some Snake oil salesmen maquerading as female psychotherapists say Men are not a HOt house flower that need you to constanly fertilize them . Men don't need Bullshit: They need an ally, like you do. If your freinds are your support then why are you in a relationship go out and have fun. Fondness, Friendship and Fucking will always save and maintain a relationship. If he needs a keeper and a handler then he doesnot want a wife.

Abstinence and sabers

I would like to talk about abstinence and the movement since it has been daggled by fate in my face for the last few weeks. First I read in a fashion mag Glamour about abstinence ball called purity balls. The imagery was cheesy, sleazy and sick in nouveau riche fundie style that is so popular in the Bible Belt. Image TExas poptart promising to love honor and obey daddy until singing boyfriend is given permission to pop It and that is a purity ball with ballerinas and pseudo-antebellum rituals like walking under swords to officiating witnesses, a nice Militaristic touch because when we are dealing with teenage hormones an imperialistic attitude is needed. I wonder if the term Emotional Incest was ever introduced to these people. They keep blathering on about how good a father's attention is. That girls with good relationships with their father do better in school, go to college and have high powered careers. What they do not say is that neither hell nor high water are they going allow little petunia to have a career. They will make sure to arrange a traditional marriage for the little flower. I do not think these people understand it is the quality of the attention that the daughter gets from father matters not the quantity nuerotic attention.

Patriarchal Father can be very attentive, unfortunately, to the children they have The Barretts of Wimpole street comes to mind. It is an attentiveness garners for the children large psychotherapy bills and for the unfortunate few time spent in battered womens shelters when becoming adults. It is very hard to watch a grown woman who has never been taught to think for herself and see religious organizations circling like vultures wanting to tell her what to think. The problem with the abstinence movement is that it goes against Human Nature most teenage girls do not want to have sex, they want a boy to love them and be affectionate. Their bodies are still getting used being fertile to really want or enjoy sex and procreation. BUT teenage boys are another subject, the truth is at the purity ball the wrong gender is promising to remain abstinent. WE really need boys promising their mothers that they will remain pure and not badger girls for sex at these balls. Then abstinent pledges will work and movement would have credibility. We will never see that because of the male eeck factor the imagery should evoke.

The inalienable right to Sadness

I need to talk about sadness AKA depression, melancholy, sorrow. Sadness is described by many poetic words. Some expletives and some slang. When I think of sadness the three words above is what I usually think of to describe it. Pessimism and cynicism are by product. When people think of sadness it is always in the negative as something to get rid of. I am by definition a sad person a trait that runs in my family and the two races that gave birth to me. I wonder why a race would be immersed in sadness, why a family would have it for a trait. Depression is a clinical disease I have yet I am known for my sense of humour. I had a relative who used to say "If it gets any worse I am going to need to laugh." I think it meant that when I reach my sadness saturation point I will need to find humour in the situation. I believe all great humour that is poignant, potent and penetrating is bourne of sadness and nursed in cynicism.

Among the sad we really enjoy gallows-humour that perky people find morbid or offensive. We poke fun at society because we like to jerk the chain of complacent happiness addicts and perky people. Sad people are angry because we are sad because sadness is painful and because society wants us to be perky people. That way we do not joke around at inappropriate times and poke fun at sacred cows. But we need to liberate our sadness. There is beauty in sadness look at all the great poetry and songs sadness has given birth to in humanity and we kick it around like an old dog or worse an old girlfriend or boyfriend.

I believe that before curiousity, it was sadness that caused mankind to develop. My cat is curious and she has yet to build a stone temple or learn to cultivate grain crops. Now I do suffer from Depression and do take meds. But I still am a sad person so I know that sadness is not a disease but depression and its inertia is. When in my twenties in the 80's I used read the success books of captains of industry. What I learned is that as they climb the ladder of success they are rarely bothered by sadness or deep introspection. Which makes it easier to throw competitors to wayside. Hey the successful accumulation of wealth does not mean you have the finer emotions. Just be happy with the next bright ball wealth brings you.

Depression is an illness. depressed is not feeling sad but being engulfed in sadness. Its like the difference between being highly imaginative or being delusional, like being pious and being obsessive compulsive about your religion that you need it plastered around you 24/7. It is not so much quantity of sadness, though it can be a sign, but the quality. High quality melancholy creates the blues, depression kills the singer with drug fueled excess. Alot of artists say they cannot create if they have a mental illness and treat it with drugs. BULLSHIT I have seen people who were talented become focused and great artists when they recover. In the old generation of medication most of them had a sedative affect that did hindered creative work and just living, but that has changed. The clearer the mind, the higher the intellect and the more focused the creativity. You can be on medication and use your sadness now at healthy level to create beauty in the world.

Sadness does not kill but to treat it as a anathema to the human soul creates a climate that kills people for they fear it, to the point were they deny it, allowing it to grow unhindered in a climate of fear and they die trying to self medicate. Or we teach people to medicate any uncomfortable feeling making children and adults complacent happiness addict spending their lives chasing the happiness fix.

I am getting off the merry-go-round and accepting my sadness acknowledging the pain and beauty of this emotion. In Asia the most compasssionate being and the most beautiful being in the universe is Kwan Yin. Everyday she sheds every tear ever shed or will ever be shed easing the pain of the sorrowful as she cries. I think of that as most kind and beautiful thing to do. That even though I am sad and crying that along with me cries Kwan Yin willing to ease my sorrow. Sadness also gives birth to empathy.

Clothes, Corsets, Goths and burdens

I need to write that my disillusion with fashion stems for reading a great deal of feminist and renunciate literature in my youth. I realise that fashion is something that is in the core of women. Over the centuries it has always been woman who made and created fashion, the 20th century male fashion designer in womens clothing was non-existent until industrialization of western society. By studying mens affect on women clothing one sees a disturbing trend starting in the renaissance, of women bodies being reshaped by men and corsets. With industrialization comes a hatred of the natural and love for what can be created by industry. The environmnt must be tamed reshaped along with the human body.The hatred of the natural body of a women is seen in the extreme disfigurement of the female body that reaches its height in victorian times in the west and now it has returned with the worship of the anorexic by runway designers. But to be fair men in the past also reshaped their bodies with the same devils contraption the corset. WE hear a great deal about the stupidity of women and corsets but Victorian males were just as addicted to theirs. The trend of anorexia as a beauty ideal is also crossing genders.

My belief is that the culture mavens, the powers that be really do not want to see people happy and satisfied (let us not expect fullfillment). Why, are they so naturally evil or is that at night when they go to sleep, in million dollar mansions and/or condos, is there a hole in their souls. Does this hole so bother them that to see a happy and content poor person bothers them to no end. Is the need for them to have asthetic beauty so unnatural and plastic that it seems to be unattainable to every one, except those with money, who can make them richer and obsessive/compulsive teenagers. Is this the true goal of their professional existence.

To wear clothes is political statement as great as not wearing them. I see goths everyday and as a young adult longed to be brave enough to be punk. Today I cannot wait to be small enough to shop at Hot Topic and embrace the dark side. In the Bible Belt the most subversive thing you can do is either wear a pentacle or dress as a Goth. I love Goth Kids and admire them, they are truely brave. Although I admire her charity work I do so miss Angelina's goth alter -ego.

I realise when I look at some fashion mags that looking like a tasteful expensive clone is their end all and be all (Glamour a big felon in this). Much creativity is disappearing in Women. Fashion is becoming a uniform of conformity to good taste and over consumptive spending. Do we really need a 5000 dollar handbag. Maybe the rich need to spend more on taxes. They do use airports and the toilet. Maybe they should be made to pay an unfair share taxes like the poor and middle class. Why when we talk about fairness and not overburdening people it is the rich and corporate america who make it sound like they are one step away collaspsing from the weight of their burden. If you do not wish to be socially responsible, then giveaway your money and try being poor, you will love to be in a high tax bracket after that experience. If you refuse to pay your burden, then give up all wealth you made off the american people and go live somewhere else. No one ever became wealthy in a vacuumn it was off the backs of someone else that true wealth is accomplished. You can at least pay for the some of the chiropractor bills of those people.

Fashion Angst and money morals

steppe wanderer

Today I was surfing the web and hit a couple of fashion mag sites. I like fashion because to be honest part of me is shallow and likes pretty clothes even if they are made by slave labor. It is like diamonds I think they are beautiful but since the 80's I have not looked at them seriously to buy because of the amount of human pain that goes on in producing them. To be honest fur coats are pretty but again I am not saving up for the pure reason of the pain factor it takes to produce it. But regular clothes and steak for some reason I can find a way to ignore the pain factor. I am not a person who believes that because I eat a hamburger, it is all of a sudden premissable; I can and should wear a mink coat or a blood diamond, sometimes a line must be drawn in the sand of of morality and personal responsibility to the world and an adherence to causing as little pain and harm while existing in the world. The greatest gift I have been given in the world is the lack of wealth. To some people in the world I am poor but to many others I am very wealthy. I do not have a great deal of disposable income and so for me I am extremely lucky that true immoral behaviour is out of my reach. I will never have to worry that I have paid for a purse or a pair of shoes an amount of money that most Thai families do not earn in a single year.

Here in America there is an obsession with the accumulation of wealth even churches are getting involved with seminars and workshops. ON how to get cherry with Christ and be a miser. I do not know how Christ is viewing this obsession among his followers but I do not think having read his words in the Bible that he is very happy about it.

So I believe that we need a new movement in which Obsessive and obscenely large amounts of money owned by people is viewed as moral deficient and anathema to the human spirit. Obscene wealth and spending should be viewed with the same distaste as Pedophilia and Racism. Maybe them the human race will start to learn personal responsibility and grow up.

YOGA , FASHION and new year

Happy New Year Since the Solstice life has been good I truly have decided that self improvement is really the quickest way for a angry melancholy person to find some serenity, but for it to work you Need to go into it with zero expectations and an inquisitive mind. I have been practicing yoga for more that a year for the benefits in treating my arthritic back and it work s (best book-Relief is in the stretch by Loren Fishman MD>) I have changed my practice to included weight loss and I am getting in the philosophy of yoga it is a area I have flirted with off and on since being a teenager. It is working to help me become truly centered and accepting of myself and my body. Having been a bulimic and a sometime anorexic and now obese this gift of Yoga is a true blessing Thank Goddess. I have found that refusing to use a scale and accepting the changes in my body in clothing size is a better way for my eating disordered mind to take on weight loss. I also must accept in my heart that, failure is an option I respect my body and mind that weight loss is not what they need to be working on with my eternal soul now. I am lucky that now is the right time to return my body to healthy weight. Two years ago I was blessed with giving up on my addiction to nicotine and I began working out at a gym to spend less time craving cigarettes and lighting up. So I believe that I can safely and sanely loss weight is the insane diet obsessed world. A healthy analogy I use with my mind is that I should view my body as a predigree pet like an Akita dog or a show horse. I should fuss over the food, health and exercise of my body as said pet. For me this is a new way of looking at my body. I unfortunately was exposed to a great deal of body, sex and sexuality hatred in the religion I was raised in. Too many stories of matyrs and the body maiming they exposed themselves to, left me with a skewed look myself, my feminity and the material world and life. Enjoyment of life was to be viewed with suspicion so very few things could be enjoyed. Food and eating where one of the innocous joys as long I stayed thin.

It disturbs me as a woman that the fashion industry in America refuses to join European countries in protecting women against Against the disease of Anorexia. In baseball they are taking steps to protect atheletes from harming their bodies in training with steriods. Yet American Fashion INdustry is so arrogant in their power hungry need control Womans bodies that they are willing kill and develop in women a disease to FEEL a POWER HUNGER RUSH. I have a friend in the fashion industry who SAYS Gay men who hate women are for it, OBSCENELY THIN MODELS, that is homophobia, Anna Wintour is not a gay man. I disagree I believe that these fashion designers and editors nerds in their youth and now the have the power to tell beautiful women that they are less than unless the are half dead. These people covet these beautiful womens aura and are so enraged by envy and coveteouness they will kill them so the they do not enjoy their good fortune. To allow a half dead girl walk down the runway shows only this. I HATE WOMEN, I HATE TRUE PHYSICAL BEAUTY AND HAVE NO AESTHETIC CONCEPT OF PHYSICAL HUMAN BEAUTY, I AM POWER HUNGRY, I HATE AND COVET THESE GIRLS LIVES AND GOOD FORTUNE, I AM EVIL. In case the Fashion industry wants to blame the American people and women for this trend I DID NOT RECEIVE A E-MAIL ASKING IF I WANTED TO SEE ANOREXICS ON THE CATWALK THIS YEAR NEITHER DID MILLIONS OF OTHER AMERICAN WOMEN..... NOR DID WE ENMASS WRITE VOGUE TO SUGGEST THAT HEROIN CHIC AND WAIFS WOULD BE A GOOD DIRECTION FOR A MAGAZINE SPREAD. GROW UP FASHION EDITORS AND DESIGNERS AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY YOUR ACTIONS AND MORAL VAGRANCIES.

Walking in a Winterland

Now is the winter of my discontent..... Not this year though business ventures have failed and We are financially in a bucket strangely I am in a good mood. maybe venting on the net is psychologically satisfiying and good... I hear so many bad things said about modern life but my honest belief is the toilet, runningwater and airconditioning trump everything mankind have created,including watching the resurrection and the Fall of Troy. I have a appreciation of modern life given to me by spending many a summer in state and national park living without these gifts of civilization. But I do wish I could see something of the past it would be to the medditerrean when it had spruce forests covering it. America before industialization. Those parts of the past I do Idealize and wish to see. But I do not wish to live in the past only to return earth, nature and wildlife to its healthy and pristine state of being, before Yahweh gave us Earth to do what we will, Without Her permission. I honestly believe that humankind can be technologically advanced and live on a ecologically sound and healthy world. I believe It will cost money to create this world but unlike conservatives I do not believe in living in my mothers house for free and not cleaning up after myself. That is what my little two story house is for.

I personally do not wish to live in time or place though they still exist in many places on earth, where I am only considered a repository for male sperm. People who think the present is nasty and bleak and perverted I have bad news for you, the past was also nasty and bleak and perverted to at times. We do not remember because chances are we weren't born and did not experience it or were young and too naive to understand it. OH well. I had a psychologist tell me once that an adjustment in attitude could change the dimension in which one lives. Norse believe it can also change the past as well as the present to them time is fluid not a river flow but an ocean tide ebbing and flowing.

This Solstice will be spent working on the ground work of the infamous New Year Resolution. Drum Rolllllllllllllll LOSING WEIGHT. Tada. Hopefully I can spend more time in an personally adjusted attitude instead of a reactive attitude.

Thank the Gods no one has wished me a merry christmas. Probably because I decided how to reply this year and I am not letting out the signals of an insecure rabbit. No one is pouncing on me for saying Happy Holiday to them like last year. If someone says Merry Christmas to me I say Thank you. Succint and to the point and the greeting is intiated by the other party. I feel very comfortable this year. Next Year if aforementioned policy works I will get in the Solstice Zone by imaging myself as Sweden in the War on Christmas.

wandering, Whining and "HEAVEN FORBID DANCING

As a little girl I took dancing lessons ballet I had no talent and really wanted to fence but I developed a love of dancing for ballet and really any kind including whirling like a dervish it seemed that through movement I truly quieted an agitated mind and soul that I had even as a child. I developed a distaste for physicality due to abuse by friend of the family as a young child. But dancing was my joy. I find it ironic no matter how conservative a culture is it cannot destroy dancing among the common man and woman. people need dancing for it is the one true way for the soul to commune with the divine in physicality. It is a gift. Like the dancer so poor that the only gift he could give his Goddess was his dance. everytime a person dances in boundless joy, creative concentration everytime their souls are uplifted or forgets the pain of disconnect from the divine, the divine , grows brighter and strong., ones soul is recharged and good in the Universe is recharged. It is win win and boosts the metabolism of body , mind, heart and soul. good for the diet of the soul and body.
After 15 years of happy marriage my husband loves to dance with me in fact he has told me I am the only woman he ever asked to. Now at Harvest Balls he dances happily and contently. Dance truely is given birth to by joy.


This brings me to the Gods, Eurynome in particular AS a girl I loved reading about Greek Gods and it is strange I do not worship them. But the description of Her in particular haunts me, inspire me and emboldens me. She who loved movement to so much she created the ebb and flow of the universe out of Her dance and brought forth the cosmos. She the divine progenitrix creating the physical world out joy. Unlike other religous beliefs Her Material reality is to be savored enjoyed imbued with enthusiasism and love of physicality Her Nirvana is to join the dance of molecules and atomic particles and subatomic material and line dancing with string theories. It is not a world to be escaped but to be embraced. I Know for me Heaven would be six years old whirling to the Monkees, dancing a polka, cutting the disco rug, putting on the Ritz.
If humankind is saved it will be because we spiral dance into the physical instead of running away to the ether. Ether is gas I really donot want to spend reality in spiritual methane pocket. Glad not to be feeling but still smellin ripe trancendency.

Children should not wander the world is too dangerous, they should explore under unobtrusive but watchful Eye. Adults should wander constantly continuously through life alone or with partner. Physically, mentally, ,spiritually,philosophically and polictically. When a person tells me they believe everything that their parents church school etc. taught them as a child I truly pity them. No One is omnipotent and NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH. at least on earth. I am Certain someone is omnipotent in the Universe but She is too big and too Omnipotent for my stuck in the material world brain to wrap around. Do I Want to know the TRuth DO CHILDREN REALLY WANT TO KNOW IS SANTA IS A MYTH. I really have no wish to be on a phallic quest for ultimate Knowledge. Most people don't want to know god they want to tell him what to do. That is why so many religous folk cannot keep their noses out of other peoples business. To them spiriuality is a moral Monopoly game with controling the divine and access to the divine one of the goals. TRue piety is left to the renunciates who get no lazy enjoyment out of reality.

SO dance because in the END hopefully the music of the spheres will guide us into the line dance of a another dimension.

Cards Carrots and Renunciates.

well The christmas war front seems quiet. But then This year I am firing the first salvo in the trench wars of religious ideology clashing, My holiday cards were unrepentant in their Heathen appreciation of the Yule Season. My husband was amusing today as we shopped for our Solsitice gift to each other this year I got a juicer I am going to explore the raw food diet... I have always wanted to be a Vegetarian and very much admire Vegans. I have only been able to be a vegetarian for three years in my life. In my mid-twenties when I gave up smoking and took up long distance running I was a lacto-vegetarian with occasional lapses with egg products for two years and two years ago I quit smoking again and was a vegetarian for a year as I started working out again. I very much lack extended focus in staying vegetarian as I donot believe that I should force my dietary beliefs on my husband who is a unrepentant carnivore who tries to be a omnivore whenever I vegg-out.

To me vegetarianism is a spiritual choice not just a dietary one being a Vegan to me is part and parcel in living a spiritual life, one good way along the path of being a modern world renunciate. It seems everytime I quit being a veg is when I get entangled with buddhism I start not wanting to be a pain in the ass and revert to omnivorism. I would like some help and tips anecdotes and old fashion advice from modern day spiritualists and mystics on how to incorporate spiritual vegetarianism in to my life and not be a pain in the ass or a matyr. I always thought a happy renunciate is a good role model may be that is why I am attracted to Tibetan Buddhism, their monks and nuns are always so calm and happy. Some are even downright jolly despite their troubles.

Good Day Saturday

Today My inner soundtrack is composed of seventies perky tween music that I listen to when I was a middle schooler. Partridge family and monkees fluff. Just one good election can revert one back to the days before reading Germaine Greer and other 70's radicals the innocence of childhood. Dont Believe it. Childhood was never innocent. Child molesters hid behind every tree in the 70's just like they do today. Only difference is more children have a voice and are believed when they complain about the nasty person. Everything that neocons like my biological family complain about is delusionary. If I really looked at the past the mores, the virtues, the perversions they are the same today as they were back then. The only difference is there is less sweeping under the rug going on and more breast beating when inappopriate behavior occurs and people get caught at it. Everybody is a Drama Queen nowdays. People say that tabloids are ruining society because we now gossip about celebrities. Honestly I would rather gossip about someone who makes millions of dollar acting than my neighbor or best.friend. But I dont believe any gossiping is good unless it is about peoples good works. I have really found it easy not to dwell on the sexual misdeeds of prominent people who work hard on the appearance of virtueousness..////

Maybe that is the reason for many a supposed good persons fall. The concern with appearance virtue in their life instead of cultivating true virtue in their lives. To blame the people around them, of forcing perfection on them. Is really blaming ones associates for ones character defect and not individual whose defect it is. But really if a little person was caught doing so we cluck and shake our heads and say bad breeding, bad education or not enough of the right religious belief. When big people fall we always try to turn it into a Greek tragedy when all it is really is a Jerry Springer Epic.

Happy Days are here again

Well I feel giddy and grateful for the first time in many years. I spontaneous praised God when I heard the election results. She did a great job. And the American people did good too. Now we can work to build bridges with the sane countries of the world and get help to ones enthralled in madness as we have been these last 12-years. Now we must work to heal not just America but starship Earth,dear Gaia and other people homelands, their motherlands and fatherlands.....It is kumbaya time whatever your religion you are. Humanity must give up its collective selfishness or all we are is enslaving our children and descendants to hopelessness. AND TO THOSE PEOPLE SCREAMING "END TIMES" EVERYTIME THEY CONTEMPLATE HAVING TO ROLL UP THEIR SLEEVES AND TIGHTEN THEIR BELT TO CLEAN UP THE FUTURE FOR OUR CHILDREN. THE END OF THE WORLD IS NOT AN OBSCENE BOOK SERIES YOU PUT AWAY AFTER READING IT COMPULSIVELY.

My parents lived through WWII in europe the bombing, the stravation, the massacres by NAZI and Communists The FEar of being Repatriated if unable to find a country willing to take you in. REpatriation meant A quick trip to a firing squad or a Labor camp sentence of life in good old siberia. Something economic illegal aliens do not face. End Times Happened it was WWII and the fight against facisism and stalinism. WE won Fundies are too stupid to notice because social responsibilty is hard message to raise money with. It is easier to wave a boogeyman in front the congregation and hear kaching in the church coffer.

WEll let us all pray for America and the world for the real work is to come and the real sacrifices coming up. My beginning sacrifice is I will work on my compulsive spending and lowering my debt so I may give more money to charity to help the poor and disadvantage including poor mother earth. This I offer in honor of God, " Her miracles bright and great."

Politics and realitivity

Well today I heard that Kerry apologized instead of giving good old Americans a reality check but then he is an politician and they really hate it when any one sees things as it really is. Especially Kerry should know how wars are run having seen action. Kerry WASNOT calling American soldiers stupid. He was stating the future he saw occuring: If America Does Not AWAKE from the Qausi-religico stupor WE have fallen into. What he saw HE learned and experienced in the Old war Vietnam ANOTHER RElIGIOUS WAR in which America Backed A CATHOLIC POLITICAL REGIME IN SOUTH VIETNAM. As it tried to impose catholism on the Buddhist Masses, Cronkite never told you that truth. Premier of South Vietnam was the brother of the head of the archdioses of Southeast Asia, three months before america went to war this Premier made Catholic Holidays federal holidays and stopped the national celebration of Buddhist holidays this made the vietnamese hot under the collar. Look how upset Christians in America get when you wish them a Happy Holiday. In that war the rich people of america did not have to sacrifice their sons as people who went to university were exempt. That was all that Kerry was stating a Bitter Cynical look into the future as he saw it. And He is right do you think that when they are finally going to trowl for more soldiers for Iraq they are going to show up at Havard University or Yale. THEY'RE going to SHOW-up at the Vo-Tech on the day the REpublicans slash Government Grants. So GROW-UP AMERICA THE POOR fight our WARS. The POOR and THE BADLY EDUCATED. Having grown up poor and been badly educated and in the military all Kerry was stating was the TRUTH. BEING BADLY EDUCATED DOES NOT = STUPID but it DOES = CANNON FODDER.

debating about fluff

steppe wanderer
Today I ended up arguing about religion. I really wish I could remember what my husband says to every time this happens "don't argue about religion neither side ever wins and everyone just gets all heated up. But since this is my blog I will discuss it. It started out as a talk about South Park and conspiracies and ended talking about seriously for the other person how the rich who run the world worship satan and pagan gods and have been doing this since the days of old Babylon. I have heard the satanic theory and the rich before, hell(no pun) Kubricks last movie was about it. But I thought they worshipped satan and an owl. This incarnation is lucifer and Janus the Roman god of doorways "read as openings and passages in reality and metaphor". To me these theories are adhered to by people who were educated by reading piffle written by so-called historians educated in religious schools masquerading as colleges and universities when what they really are is extended sunday school or story time for adults with money to waste. These theories are popular because it allows people to say that the dominant institutes in control of social behauvior , religion "read Christianity" has nothing to do and has not help create the mess that the world is in. Maybe this arguement flew in 200 AD. But having killed all the pagans in europe centuries ago and more or less destroyed them among native americans and captive africans I these beliefs are scurrilous and base and without honor. It is the old arguement WE are not at fault it is the evil pagans that did it. I suppose that I should be thankful I was not exposd to the old elders of zion rant but the Rothchilds where mentioned in passing.