instability

I hear a lot about female instability these days from neo-con friends and family... Rarely do I start the discourse as I believe fighting verbally with delusional people is rude and counter productive for their mental health. But I will protect myself and my beliefs I just know a lost cause when I see it...Daily I am inundated with cute little e-mail about Hillary and her candidacy..About her Female driven stupidity, illogic and emotional instability... there is a whole cottage industry based on attacking her and when all the rhetoric is stripped it is only really the fact that she does not have a cock is what bothers these people...Also that she is uppity to believe she is as competent as a male..

It made me wonder about Female instability, emotional and otherwise...When I am bored I watch crime shows usually documentary or real crime retellings of cases...It is a good way to gauge the moral fabric of a society and learn about regional social life(who are in power among the religious and political groups and who are the disenfranchised and thus easy targets to kill or scapegoat for a crime). I have noticed in the South that the homicide dectectives have a tendency when child murder or sex crime occurs. That if the spouse or parent have church affiliation, they head to the local High School and ask the students who they think did the crime...Usually the prep turns out to be an ascerbic young goth or anarchist...They are convicted on the evidence of their religious beliefs, political beliefs or dabbling in the occult...I am not saying that the occasional ascerbic young goth or anarchist does not commit a heinous crime but when push come to shove they always find one to fit the prep profile until it becomes so obvious that the good family member did it.

I was watching a shows on Oxygen and WE and heard some facts on how unstable a certain sex is 90% of violent criminals are MEN, 70% of murdered women are killed by the MEN they intimated with, Pregnant women greatest threat to her life is not medical but to be murdered by the MAN they are intimated with. 75% OF Male MURDER VICTIMS ARE KILLED BY MEN...AND YET IT IS FEMALE INSTABILITY that worries conservative men and women...Go Figure... MEN go ballistic everyday in heinous ways that led to the death of other men, women, and children and we are worried about female instablity because Britney shaved her head and Hillary looks like she might be a ballbreaker.... Sorry with the way crime stats are may-be we need a little ballbreaker including in international diplomacy....May-be men need to wake up and release the idea that they are not the little princes society and their mothers have hoisted on them..Having a cock does not make you better in fact is makes you more violent and emotionally unstable and may be someone with female Hormones will do a better and more realistic job running the country... Women are anything but realists especially after the age of 24..

Well maybe I should just stop reading my families e-mails, If I could I would just block them until Hillary is elected or gives it a noble try. But with the delusional you just do not now what will hurt their senstive feelings... obviously I am a feminist and a Goddess Worshipper sounds to them like an invitation to send all your crazy political and religious info...it is as if conservatives only hear that crazy voice in their head when you are talking to them... The one that helps them formulate their political and religious beliefs, and so ignore any real life stats on crime and behavior and anything else concrete real and logical does not exist.

outing a covert warrioress

I view news about the intelligence gathering profession with a great deal of interest I had family members that were cold warriors in the 50's, 60's and 70's. I had one member of the family tell his children that if anyone came up to them and spoke to them in russian and were strangers they were to run home or find mommy and daddy immeadiately to get to safety at once then he asked why they should do it, They replied because the person could hurt them... He told them bluntly that the person would kill them to get to him, Why was not explained until the children were in their late 20's... it led to speculation about what dad did that people wanted revenge on him during their younger years...

People in the covert world live dangerous day to day lives whether they live in America or are working in foreign countries or are foriegn operatives...Rarely do their families live with them in foriegn locales it is to dangerous in case a cover is broken... In the 50's or maybe the 60's in Vienna Russian operatives were torturing for days and killing foreign operatives working for Nato. The CIA and british Intelligence sent a team in to clean up the mess by killing the Russian operatives in ways that would contain their operation every soviet operative that knew of these people identity were killed any that were missed were made certain to be so low level and powerless they would afraid to go on with their mission... Soviet housekeeping staff were double agents and after the mission was completed they were all wisked away and given dental treatment and AMerican Identities.. So when that old foreign lady at the nursing home tells she was a double agent and her teeth are great condition she might be telling the truth.

But to get to Valerie Plame. Today 80 year old spies who fought the cold war are coming out of the covert intelligence closet but the cold war is over and any of their adversaries and dead or just as infirm...During the cold war foreign operatives were protect and treated like a precious commodity the person recruiting them were trained and identity protected for if their identity were known then none of the operatives they recruited would be safe... in the covert world the enemy does not play nice these people are compromised they and their families are in CRITICAL DANGER... but for someone who is born with a silver spoon up their nose Bush does not understand that a good and reliable foreign operative is worth their weight in cocaine measured in Kilos not grams...

How many of these people and their families have died and will die in the future is not known everyone of these people, their dead bodies should be hung around Bush neck like an albatross and he should allowed no entry or peace in any port on earth...If anyone cries out to made a modern Flying Dutchman is Bush and his crew...

For Valerie there will be a lifetime of worry for loved ones and herself.. The quiet perculating fear and anxiety that ever operative has, will in her be greater and uncalled for will this racheting up of fear be... My heart goes out to her and her loved ones... Also there will be the sorrow for the death of comrades even if they were foreigners....What complacent and emotionally fat americans do not understand is the sacrifice of covert warriors.. The emotional and psychological suffering and pain these people face.. The horrors they face daily the fear for families...There is no post traumatic stress treatment for spies and no disability for them like disabled vets they quietly go on hoping even after leaving that the enemy never know their name...The Bush administration took that hope away from Valerie of anonymity to her enemy by announcing in the US media her identity because he was peeved at her husband... Loose lips sink Ships and the GReatest breach in US security and Intelligence is not a movie with Chris Cooper in it It is George W. Bush....

Oh printing the instructions on building a nuclear weapon on the Internet in Arabic was a swift boat move, very smart not.... All spies in my family are dead and all suffered for their loyalty to America but they died before the Plame incident secure in the knowledge that America would never sell them out...YOU COULD NOT EVEN LEAVE MY GENERATION OR THE NEXT THAT SIMPLE SECURITY...You are Self will run riot Bush and addictive personality if there was ever was one a dry drunk and the conservative and various branches of Christianity are to blame for putting such an unstable individual in power.

What's in a name

well Ann Coulter is desperately trying to prove that Hair bleaching does effect the cognitive thought processes of ones brain... That can only be the reason she stated that using the F-word(one that slurs homosexual males) does not effect or upsets homosexuals it is just a schoolgirl taunt... Having seen a school girl hit in the face by another girl protecting her boyfriends honor in High School I can say that it is a dangerous taunt to use and can lead to a broken nose in some cases...I guess we can now also use the n-word for blacks, the c or g-word for asians. We can call jews the K-word and mixed race love the use of mutt or breed...We no longer need to worry, since these are now acceptable shoolyard taunts, they are now acceptable in mixed company....

I have always been amazed about conservatives and people living in the bible belt they are appalled by the of profane language but are not at all bothered by racial slurs... I grew up in Los Angeles and editing ones language for racial and ethnic slurs for me was a given...As misanthropic as I can be I am a people person when I want to be I like meeting intelligent people and talking to them especially people from other cultures. To me instead of being Traumatized by the word sh-t or f-ck or even geek upsets these people maybe they need to consider racial,ethnic slurs and slurs against gender and sexual orientation as profane.... maybe then people will start giving them the benefit of the doubt when they tell us how moral or holy they are.

Carbon and tulips

Sir Richard Branson has annouced a prize to anyone who can invent a way to get rid of carbon in the air that causes Global Warming...But there is a small minute way that a person can do so all ready....It is not spectacular, but if every household in America planted a flower garden, added a few new trees to the yard, planted a veggie garden(organic) and bought a plethora of houseplants the air around them would vastly improve in a small way, but a good and important way. Asians have a saying that small actions presage Auspicious events.....Most westerners are taught to look at the big picture and aim for the big thing that will accomplish the goal. That they miss the fact that a small act multiplied by billions of people can bring about a change.....

What environmentalists know and people with small minds refuse to understand is that oxygen is created by plant life and plants eat carbon by inhaling it, and create oxygen that they exhale into the environment if this is part of the process of photosynthesis....If we taught this to schoolchildren instead of trying circumvent seperation of church and state laws and shoving creationism into their little minds....The planet might have a chance...To neo-con Friends and family the reason hugging a tree is so important is that a tree in its daily life purifies the air and helps to combat Global Warming that is why the Tropical and Temperate rainfrost are so important...WITHOUT PLANT LIFE AND FORESTS WE CANNONT BREATHE...as pretty as little owls are I am fond of breathing, a lot, which makes preservation of woodlands and jungle a top priority in my world.... Rampant destruction of plant life is one reason Why Global Warming is reaching critical mass so quickly.... And to overbreeders lack of restraint in breeding is a major cause of deforestation....That fourth or fifth child does not prove you are super nuturer or a great lover of children it only proves you are a selfish twit who should know better......

Since I cannot run down to South America and since I do not have the guts to sit in a tree for the next few years I will Fight deforestation in my neighborhood and plant fruit trees in my front yard so neighbors may partake and plant hundred and hundreds of tulips so that my yard mimics the fields of tulips I saw as a child in a travel commercial for holland.....We need a new religious holiday in the spring and fall each year an INternational Day of planting for Gaia....With festivals and seminars on organic farming and in fall Bulb Day for Urtha.......................

Well my planting for this year has begun.... The Lewellyn Calender Datebook for witches has in it marked the day that are auspicious for planting and harvesting.......

From the Hinterland, MP.

.

mistake apology

to anyone interested I do not have more info on the mind-reading test in germany... but these are tests have been going on around the world, mind control and mind reading is something that all the major powers have had their intelligence agencies working on. LSD experiments in the 50's and 60's where done with the hope that the hallucinegen would boost paranormal activity in the brain allow for more accurate remote viewing and also allow for telepathic control of others by psychic cold warriors...It is a line of intellegence gathering that the Soviets were obsessed with.

spring cleaning and death, fame and Tragedy

I have been working on my new room painting and cleaning it also this has led to greater endeavours in a first spring cleaning since I was hospitalized a few years ago... It does feel wonderful to be well enough to do a thorough cleaning of a house... Painting of walls, moving of furniture and making of handsewn curtains I love the physicality of it... This work has tired me out and left muscles aching in a good way.... Because of these goings on I have not had time to get politically indignant about anything and it seems that the only two things of newsworthy importance in America is the meltdown of a hollywood pop-tart and a death of a supposed sex symbol.... I told my husband Thank Goddess Elvis died in the 70's or our young adulthood would have been consumed by it....

Anna-Nicole died of two things a dysfunctional childhood and fame(add money, too much money and not enough Psychotherapy).... It is the same thing that killed Elvis not enough love and emotional security and too much money to try to fill up the hole left in their souls..... Or maybe as Shakespeare would of suggested if he were asked to ghost write a autobiography by Simon and Schuster under Mr. Sterns name or Ms. Presley's they were star-crossed born under a tragic conjunction of planets and influences....Some people are born of tragedy and simply grow up to die young....Maybe their great fame, wealth and talent(ie.,Elvis) was a way the universe dealt them recompense, their bad luck with all other aspects of life....Maybe they were just Tragedy's children and she wanted them home.... I am so glad Elvis died in the 70's because I am not sick to death of his tragedy as I am of poor sweet befuddled Anna-Nicole the Jayne Mansfield of the 90's...

Pole and Polar bears

I was watching the News yesterday a Dangerous proposition to ones preception of reality in the good ole' USA... All the big democratic male white politicos were Kvetching about Hillary probably earlier before these broadcasts they frantically sent aides to search in thesauruses and dictionary for words that will obscure the true misogyny of their attitudes, words and message. The new catch-phrase is Polarizing. Hillary is polarizing a metaphor that shows a lush freudian slip these men have made in using this word... for to put it bluntly and crudely the only thing that makes Hillary polarizing is the fact that HILLARY LACKS A POLE...one can see the frustration on these mens face when talking about Hil to them the only reason she is not viable is that she is a woman. I can just see a bubble above Edwards and et al. Of course she Is Political Dead weight SHE IS A WOMAN. For some reason women in the United States believe that Men will take care of them that deep down they care for the female sex. What these women mistake is that, yes, their fathers, brothers and husbands might love them and want to see them succeed, But they do not exactly want any other women to get uppity and think that they should expect what their little petunia's are getting. That is a serious mistake that will hamper women ever achieving any true political, social and financial power.

Polar bears are dying... I think that their will be a special bardo for us people who contributed to this crime..Soylent Green seems to be an option in our furture on earth I wonder if that is why you never see it on TV in the darkest hours of the night.

Haggard went to gayhab I hope that he finds a measure of peace and acceptance for himself because I know that in his chosen religion there will be none.

neo-cons, fundies and family

I make it a habit not to talk to neo-con family members about politics or religion...Because I do it as a courtesy and civilized behaviour. I simply do out of respect that they are blood...When Politics come up and they always do for a neo-con because like fundies they always believe that some story or e-mail that they believe is cute but really is an exercise in hate-spewing garbage is going to bring you back to the fold, I really try to grit my teeth and bear it... But since I have a blog I do believe that I can now describe and vent about how discourteous and uncivilized it is to send members of different political idealogues and religions beliefs, your political and religious tracts.

Today I recieved from three relations, three nasty anti-female and hate-driven e-mails about Hillary and her candidacy.... At first I was hurt because All these people know I am a feminist and that I am fond of Hillary...But then I decided that I will vote for Hillary...Why because when they the Clintons were in Office the first time they did a great job and second because I view sexism as great a crime as Anti-semitism and racism, not as a cute cultural anachronism.....So instead changing my mind with hate-spewed garbage that they view as cute parables of logic and common sense it made me realize that John Lennon was right that women are the nigger of the world... In case black people are offended, I am mixed race and using racism as an excuse for sexism is not going to work with me.... If white women want to co-opt civil rights for equal rights it is all right by me. I am not impressed by people of color spewing sexist hate-garbage at white women under to mantle we were victims of racism you are just neurotic white cows..... When they call you a Ho and Bitch in a Rap video they mean it about all women.. It aint cute street-talking eubonics for the urban set.

I really believe that only black belt feminism will save the world... The environment is reaching critical mass, as is the population. Men are confused and scared, they are re-pressing their fear and it is coming out in a hatred of women as though this is to them a show of strength... Unless women draw a line in the sand and say no more to pandering male ego, male religions and male financial structure(global economy) we are going to lose the future for future generations..... This is not a time for Race, REligion and Politics to Divide women, the children are counting on us.... and believe me races, religions and political institutions have no wish for us to be united... Forget about $5000 handbags and start thinking about what your children are to inherited because believe me the majority of men around you are not ....They are using your money to fund their world destructive dive into societal denial of the life and death struggle we are in..

IN the end it will likely be Our Mother saving us.

refections of hippies and Goddess and Goodnesss

A few days ago a adopted some plants to place in my front garden one rose bush and a wisteria bush from Home Depot... I use the word adopt because I think I am becoming one of the nutty Hippies that used to live in my neightborhood in L.A. during the sixties before the Manson Family arrived and my mother became a verbal champion of Hippies,,,,, Strange for her since she was a Hawk and a staunch republican but she perferred hippies over bikers any time of the day and made certain everyone knew that... I had a friend in school who was named Meadow and also one who proudly announced to friends her mother was a Witch and Psychic I thought that was the coolest..... Halloweeen was a holiday made for children and adults knew this and behaved for one night of the year....

Then I grew up and married, got divorced and went into recovery and saw a shadow cover the land... It started with the demonization of atheists and agnostics in recovery literature and then I moved to the Bible Belt and in a moment of satori enlightment I saw recovery for what it was the last net of christianity trowling for converts among the ill instead of medical help for the sick..... I saw that I had a choice be part of the problem or be free..... So I left recovery and entered life, a political, opinionated and emotional life things all feared and hated among the serene and serenity seekers.....I learned that my opinion counts and acceptance is not an option if it means status quo and complacency..... It is also a rich spiritual and mystical life.... I am ill but also I am alive and I will never allow serene complacency rule my life and turn it into a half-life...

To live life one must be constantly learning because reality is not constant..........to love life one must be willing to feel even if it is fear, anger or lust..... one must be willing to feel love and compassion..... the lesser emotions and the finer emotions are what make people> People without them we live in a state of shame and lack of understanding. To be able to empathize with someone you must be able to feel or have been able to feel what they are feeling.... Unability to empathize means one can not really form true compassion.... What one will feel for the other is pity and not true compassion....To be angry is to be alive, to be wrathful is to allow anger to grow from benficiality to an emotion hurtful and destructive....God does not feel wrath because She is too wise to allow Her anger to grow to such lengths... It is humankind that has placed on the Divinity a face of man and placed on Her what is weakness and rarely a true strength...... We want God to be Like us forgetting that God Is Pure SAnctity, sacredness, Holiness and Love.... All that is good Is God/DEss... Humankind has only scratched the surface of goodness but she is the embodiment of it...... society subconsciously knows this because GOODNESS AND GODDESS SO closely spelled alike...GOD IS GOOD but GODDESS IS TRUELY GOODNESS.

Oh well and Oh hell

politics in America is showing itself to be ever Illogical and alot like religious Dogma all said must be taken with a grain of salt. Unfortunately there is not enough bitters in the world to make this much salt palatable..... Sometimes do you not wish you could be a character in a fantasy novel a go hiking and end up in the fey realm and just chilll with beings that can tell you this to will pass and you believe them because they are immotal and saw the same shenanigans going on in ancient AThens during election time...

So now a black man is not black enough... A female politician is not feminist enough and a man who had his city hit by two large scale terrorist attacks is hunky-dory.... Oh Well I thought Limbuagh was on drugs what is the problem with the rest of the media...... Edwards has caved into Xian fascists..... But that does not surprise me after his wife's below the belt attack (she is just lucky none of edwards chippees have surfaced yet to be acting holier than Hillary.)

I now know what drove Alec Baldwin's Infamous Getting out DOdge statement if Bush won.... It was a disgust for what passes for Logic at around election time that pissed him off.... Maybe it is the campaign commercials being created right now maybe they do have Theta waves or beta waves that scramble the brain I need to talk to my paranoid brethren about that, maybe they are paranoid and right, like on the bumper-sticker.

For people of reason now a collective Ommmmm must be said for it is election season and it loooks like a doozy and the floozies have not come out of the closet (female or male) as of yet....

I will add a good thing I hope my tulips all come out this season last year only a quarter bloomed and we had only one frost the winter before... When people complain to me about the weather I always think about my bulbs and appreciate the cold without them and the snow I would living in a So. CA. bible belt Yeckkk... Oh that is florida.

Oh for the life of me

I am going to talk about fashion again. It is strange yesterday there was nothing on TV so I watched the style channel and watched more or less what they were going to try to shove american women into this coming year. It was hysterical and shows again the lack of imagination among the elite when it comes to what professes to be taste. This year american women with money will be made to dress like 18-year old drugutantes and starlets. As I watched I could only think Paris will be happy for she will have realised that she has made her mark on the fashion world. I saw nothing on the catwalk that working women who do not fantasize about being in a rap video could wear. I know that fashion is a frivolous prusuit and despite The Devil Wears Prada it is not going to change the world to for the better at least the way they are right now, the color cerulean or not. But can not these people at least pretend that they think a woman has a brain and is not moonlighting when she gets out of bed.

I know America worships youth it is nothing new read F. Scott that was his mantra in the 20's and 30's. I do believe that the equating young women and whoredom does women everywhere a disservice and it makes for the next generation a harder time being taken serious in the real world. Youth and excess do not need to be held as synonomous descriptives. I have seen many young people with discipline and many are young girls.... If we hold up to our young women the example of only whore or virgin than it is societies fault that they fail... Yes Style makers you are part of society and you need to step up to bat when it comes to responsiblity.... You love taking credit for a societal trend but when it goes bad you run from responsibility of starting it, quicker that deadbeat father on child support day.

Sitting here in the hinterlands of America I run across alot of people who think because they parK their arses on a pew every sunday they are superior to the rest of america, the heartland. My husband always says well they are close to the area but it is more like under the arm.(and he is a Native). These people are not offering young women any positive reinforcement besides signing Abstinent pledges which will give their young boyfriends more incentive to pop their cherries. Nothing like getting a girl to break a pledge to boost a guys ego.

I do not believe that adults have young people best interests at heart. If they did they would not start wars or vote in cretins that believe pollution is good for the environment. No children,,, adults and parents have their own agenda not your wellbeing at heart Why? Because adults have convinced themselves that the agenda is your well being and also the said well being of the rest of the world. Rarely do they ask themselves any searching logical, ethical and moral questions. Rarely do They believe that the agenda might be all right for them but bad news to others..... The sad fact is that the agenda is usually as much poison to these adults as to everyone else....Would we live in a pollution ridden world with people buying Hummers if the agenda was really a beneficial set of beliefs.... The sixties and military service taught me to question authority.... Especially the ones raising you.

Good-Bye from the HINTERLANDS.

The urge to notify

Why is there a need among certain so-called free thinkers to tell us how terrible something is?. That is being hidden in society and promulgated by a group of elite people believing themselves good, yet are devils handpeople. These people always make certain everyone knows they are feminists or live on the street or did something related to the evil so that they are an expert at the thing they are exposing or not that, then an expert at the people either engaged in the said evil or promulgating it. I grew up in the sixties and so I seen this going on with drugs. It is an update on the, I smoked a joint got hit by a car, testimonial we heard as teenagers. What we were thinking, as this was being told to us, was do not walk in the street when high, you will get run over. I did not think that pot was 100% to blame and why did not the car stop when it saw the pedestrian.

Unfortunately I and many others have an incurable disease: logic. People who are studying or profess to be pagan are caught having killed somebody.... The local procescutor immediately associates the religious practices as causing said murder.... Why? Because there is nothing a prosecutor likes to tell a good christian jury more is that the criminal defendant is a worshipper of a decadent and evil religion. Since using this technique on jewish criminal defendants is passe', all these prosecutors hate mongering WAS tempered but then came WICCA and other PAGANS and the ability to accuse a minority of evil returned. So welcomed is this new opportunity for city government to practice a hate crime it has been taken up with a zeal matched only by redneck on GAy pride day.

Please future non-fiction writers of america. Feminsts have a right to be goddess-worshippers or atheists, MS. Denfield, you have the right to practice illogic.... But if you are going to make arguement about something, then please head to a logic class forthwith.

Blaming crime on the PAGAN RELIGIONS is ignorant and shows that a person is imbibed with lazy thinking.... Also HATE-MONGERING .... Unfortunately this is the same behaviour that Romans used to excuse persecuting the Christians and christians use to presecute any and everyone else....

No religion has a monopoly on crime, although there are in the prison systems population a greater percentage of people raised christian or profess to be christian that in the regular world. I would think, religion caused the crime prosecution would be something that christains would shy away from considering how many of their adherents commit crimes.

Donuts and spare change

yesterday for Imbolc I went to VA hosp for some poking and prodding . It involved fasting. When it was over I went over to get a donut and to take my medication. When that horrible veteran hating communist (not my Description but Neo con friends and family) Clinton was in office I would have gone to the commissary and had a four dollar lunch, but the military loving ex-vet Bush got rid of that. So I went to get a free donut. Something happened that never happened before I got carded and the donut was stale. The women needed to see my VA card before giving me a cup of joe and a donut. Before these donuts were for Vets and family members and were always fresh. It was then that the despicable nature of the Shrub family was revealed. Is Bush so evil that we need to demand that his new uniform include a fake moustache, a cape and a top hat. Must we also demand that he change his name to LeGree.

Does he sit up at night and think up new ways to achieve villiany. WAS he brushing his teeth one day last month and said to himself, "All that donut money! Those disabled Vets do not need it they are getting free medical help anyway. Yes, I found a way to fund the surge, Cheney will be sooo proud of me!!

The only other scenario is that America is so bankrupt it must CAge money from Disabled vets Donut funds. Then we need to start taxing religious institutions for getting us in this mess with a Republican government. But then they would have to have a voice in government. Oh Gee Is not that what they are forcing on the American people NOw without the even paying one penny in taxes. There is something rude about a people that want run everything, but not help in paying for the upkeep. A little bit of an imperialistic attitude one would say. That does not mesh well with humility and goodness they keep telling us they are imbibed with.

poetry day for the fire festival

Today I decided to give my blog a piece of my poetry instead of a piece of my mind. And to my friends yes I know that I am an opinionated, cranky, mean sarcastic slag on the internet and on my blogs and since starting them I have now a great deal of peace of mind. I donot write them to be inspirational and I do not care who reads them. To me they do for me what screaming out of a window did for all people in Network when Peter Finch implored them to shout I am not taking it anymore. If you want nice and serene and equanimity go find a Buddhist blog. Those things are not to be in my life's backpack in this lifetime around, I am learning that being a bitch can be great fun. NOw on with the poetry.

Going Home

The wind is my lover
Softly he caresses my cheek

When all is over
Soft will my Ashes blow

Beyond the leeward side
Return me to my lover

Beyond the Isle's sky
I shall pass over

Sophia not public domain December 1998 copyrighted


Ruminations while Stargazing

A hurried day
seems endless now

The quiet night
so far away

Forgotten dreams
spin in my mind

They whirl around
with anxious thoughts

Soon daylight peaks
and starts to wane

In twilight mist
a sight appears

Does calm my mind
and soothe my soul

A tinsel star glows
with the gloom

A rising cresent
start's it way

It charts a path
along the stars

That glow much
brighter in the sky

The twilight dies
a night is born

I see a void
Her glory grows

The darkness shows
Her proud black brow

Within the void
I hear a song

The planets spin
with lyric sound

All I see
night's fine dress

The beauty of
Her signature

From here to there
past everywhere

This day I learn
what is the truth

The universe's hand
held out

That Nature holds
us in Her palm

She is life
and life is sweet

sophia copyrighted March 1999 not public domain

PEDOPHILIA, responsibilty and tragedy

I need to talk about something that many people do not understand and use to spread hatred and ignorance. The belief that pedophile can be Gay. That is not true that pedophiles are homosexual despite what the preacher tells you. A PEDOPHILE IS A PEDOPHILIAC THAT IS A PERVESION AND A DISEASE. A pedophile can prefer one sex over the other, girl-children over boys...but they do not have any aversion to the sexual assault of children not of their favorite type victims sex, because to them having sex with a child is paramount. Many are married and have sex with adults of the opposite SEx, that fact in itself should blow out of the water, the pedophiles are Gay theory .

Another disturbing tread the Catholic priests are gay. Used to excuse the pedophiliacs in the church. 30% of child molestation victims are Female of priests. We hear nothing about them because the church is putting a, Why they were gay!, spin on why this tragedy and crime occured. Also young girls are of little concern to the religious community except to badger with Abstinence pledges. Because of Eve the female sex must and should suffer in matters of sex by god's order. This accusation of Gayness makes it easy for intelligent women to excuse the churches anti-female stance and still quiet the fear , that maybe feminists are right, the church is too corrupt and too entrenched with anti-female sentiment to be saved or even to bother saving. All the anti-Female stuff can be excused with OF COURSE they are GAy. Accusing the priests of homosexuality allows all christian leaders to say to men that Jesus loves you don't go away it is the gays who are evil. Not the bible we are not anti hetorsexual sex just don't do it with good christian girl, unless married to her. Homophobia is providing the Christian Church with biggest responsiblity dodge since WE MUST KILL(pagans, jews and any one else), because god and the Book of Revelation says so. Yeah Xians are not big on personal or social responsibility when it comes to their religious organizations or literature. REad biblical law a nice essay on who to attack and kill when they piss us off. THAT IS LIFE IN THE BIG CITY.

Man-hating, Feminist and relationship.

I always wondered as a young adult why there was a word in the English language for the hatred of women and it is a pretty and fancy word. Yet, women are only allowed manhater or thanks to Rush( president of the little wee wee club) femi-nazi. It seems that some men were so proud of their woman hating that they need a fancy term to justify it. Why he is not a man who hates women, that's gay, He is a mysognist. May- be it is just that before women got book learnin it was way to hide from some poor future wife or mother-in-law the true nature of a man.

But do feminists hate men or is it the behaviour that some men do and the attitudes of these men been taught and developed, that feminist hate. Yeah women are and were oppressed and so there are bitter feminists. Then there are the feminist that know, yes, men can be so much more better, I prescribe to that philosophy. I found that as with any relationship, if you need to pander the person and stroke their ego when it is already large to begin with then unhappiness will reign in the relationship.

Number one marriage for me was case in point. A man who cannot respect their partner and find at least one talent worth bragging to the world. The need for that man to continue telling you nasty things in hope of improving your character bodes badly for the relationship. If a man needs to improve you it means you are not the person he wants or really cares for. It is that future somebody is the apple of his eye. Having been on the recieving end of that behaviour I Can tell women who like save men or view them as projects. The men you are with know that it is not them you love , but that future somebody and that is what is making them so angry.

Husband Number two is different Why because A. like him and B> I never hid my feminism .
C. Having worked in the middle East he knew everything in MS. magazine was correct.
If a man does not believe women are oppressed forget it . IT means he doesnot believe women are people and he will always have a reason for why he comes first. This is not a case of education or intelligence but of attitude and when a dealing with a person as any mother of a teenager knows attitude is paramount in getting through to the individual.

A feminist can have a loving relationship with a man and a heterosexual male can love a feminist. neither is exclusive of the other. Despite what some Snake oil salesmen maquerading as female psychotherapists say Men are not a HOt house flower that need you to constanly fertilize them . Men don't need Bullshit: They need an ally, like you do. If your freinds are your support then why are you in a relationship go out and have fun. Fondness, Friendship and Fucking will always save and maintain a relationship. If he needs a keeper and a handler then he doesnot want a wife.

Abstinence and sabers

I would like to talk about abstinence and the movement since it has been daggled by fate in my face for the last few weeks. First I read in a fashion mag Glamour about abstinence ball called purity balls. The imagery was cheesy, sleazy and sick in nouveau riche fundie style that is so popular in the Bible Belt. Image TExas poptart promising to love honor and obey daddy until singing boyfriend is given permission to pop It and that is a purity ball with ballerinas and pseudo-antebellum rituals like walking under swords to officiating witnesses, a nice Militaristic touch because when we are dealing with teenage hormones an imperialistic attitude is needed. I wonder if the term Emotional Incest was ever introduced to these people. They keep blathering on about how good a father's attention is. That girls with good relationships with their father do better in school, go to college and have high powered careers. What they do not say is that neither hell nor high water are they going allow little petunia to have a career. They will make sure to arrange a traditional marriage for the little flower. I do not think these people understand it is the quality of the attention that the daughter gets from father matters not the quantity nuerotic attention.

Patriarchal Father can be very attentive, unfortunately, to the children they have The Barretts of Wimpole street comes to mind. It is an attentiveness garners for the children large psychotherapy bills and for the unfortunate few time spent in battered womens shelters when becoming adults. It is very hard to watch a grown woman who has never been taught to think for herself and see religious organizations circling like vultures wanting to tell her what to think. The problem with the abstinence movement is that it goes against Human Nature most teenage girls do not want to have sex, they want a boy to love them and be affectionate. Their bodies are still getting used being fertile to really want or enjoy sex and procreation. BUT teenage boys are another subject, the truth is at the purity ball the wrong gender is promising to remain abstinent. WE really need boys promising their mothers that they will remain pure and not badger girls for sex at these balls. Then abstinent pledges will work and movement would have credibility. We will never see that because of the male eeck factor the imagery should evoke.

The inalienable right to Sadness

I need to talk about sadness AKA depression, melancholy, sorrow. Sadness is described by many poetic words. Some expletives and some slang. When I think of sadness the three words above is what I usually think of to describe it. Pessimism and cynicism are by product. When people think of sadness it is always in the negative as something to get rid of. I am by definition a sad person a trait that runs in my family and the two races that gave birth to me. I wonder why a race would be immersed in sadness, why a family would have it for a trait. Depression is a clinical disease I have yet I am known for my sense of humour. I had a relative who used to say "If it gets any worse I am going to need to laugh." I think it meant that when I reach my sadness saturation point I will need to find humour in the situation. I believe all great humour that is poignant, potent and penetrating is bourne of sadness and nursed in cynicism.

Among the sad we really enjoy gallows-humour that perky people find morbid or offensive. We poke fun at society because we like to jerk the chain of complacent happiness addicts and perky people. Sad people are angry because we are sad because sadness is painful and because society wants us to be perky people. That way we do not joke around at inappropriate times and poke fun at sacred cows. But we need to liberate our sadness. There is beauty in sadness look at all the great poetry and songs sadness has given birth to in humanity and we kick it around like an old dog or worse an old girlfriend or boyfriend.

I believe that before curiousity, it was sadness that caused mankind to develop. My cat is curious and she has yet to build a stone temple or learn to cultivate grain crops. Now I do suffer from Depression and do take meds. But I still am a sad person so I know that sadness is not a disease but depression and its inertia is. When in my twenties in the 80's I used read the success books of captains of industry. What I learned is that as they climb the ladder of success they are rarely bothered by sadness or deep introspection. Which makes it easier to throw competitors to wayside. Hey the successful accumulation of wealth does not mean you have the finer emotions. Just be happy with the next bright ball wealth brings you.

Depression is an illness. depressed is not feeling sad but being engulfed in sadness. Its like the difference between being highly imaginative or being delusional, like being pious and being obsessive compulsive about your religion that you need it plastered around you 24/7. It is not so much quantity of sadness, though it can be a sign, but the quality. High quality melancholy creates the blues, depression kills the singer with drug fueled excess. Alot of artists say they cannot create if they have a mental illness and treat it with drugs. BULLSHIT I have seen people who were talented become focused and great artists when they recover. In the old generation of medication most of them had a sedative affect that did hindered creative work and just living, but that has changed. The clearer the mind, the higher the intellect and the more focused the creativity. You can be on medication and use your sadness now at healthy level to create beauty in the world.

Sadness does not kill but to treat it as a anathema to the human soul creates a climate that kills people for they fear it, to the point were they deny it, allowing it to grow unhindered in a climate of fear and they die trying to self medicate. Or we teach people to medicate any uncomfortable feeling making children and adults complacent happiness addict spending their lives chasing the happiness fix.

I am getting off the merry-go-round and accepting my sadness acknowledging the pain and beauty of this emotion. In Asia the most compasssionate being and the most beautiful being in the universe is Kwan Yin. Everyday she sheds every tear ever shed or will ever be shed easing the pain of the sorrowful as she cries. I think of that as most kind and beautiful thing to do. That even though I am sad and crying that along with me cries Kwan Yin willing to ease my sorrow. Sadness also gives birth to empathy.

Clothes, Corsets, Goths and burdens

I need to write that my disillusion with fashion stems for reading a great deal of feminist and renunciate literature in my youth. I realise that fashion is something that is in the core of women. Over the centuries it has always been woman who made and created fashion, the 20th century male fashion designer in womens clothing was non-existent until industrialization of western society. By studying mens affect on women clothing one sees a disturbing trend starting in the renaissance, of women bodies being reshaped by men and corsets. With industrialization comes a hatred of the natural and love for what can be created by industry. The environmnt must be tamed reshaped along with the human body.The hatred of the natural body of a women is seen in the extreme disfigurement of the female body that reaches its height in victorian times in the west and now it has returned with the worship of the anorexic by runway designers. But to be fair men in the past also reshaped their bodies with the same devils contraption the corset. WE hear a great deal about the stupidity of women and corsets but Victorian males were just as addicted to theirs. The trend of anorexia as a beauty ideal is also crossing genders.

My belief is that the culture mavens, the powers that be really do not want to see people happy and satisfied (let us not expect fullfillment). Why, are they so naturally evil or is that at night when they go to sleep, in million dollar mansions and/or condos, is there a hole in their souls. Does this hole so bother them that to see a happy and content poor person bothers them to no end. Is the need for them to have asthetic beauty so unnatural and plastic that it seems to be unattainable to every one, except those with money, who can make them richer and obsessive/compulsive teenagers. Is this the true goal of their professional existence.

To wear clothes is political statement as great as not wearing them. I see goths everyday and as a young adult longed to be brave enough to be punk. Today I cannot wait to be small enough to shop at Hot Topic and embrace the dark side. In the Bible Belt the most subversive thing you can do is either wear a pentacle or dress as a Goth. I love Goth Kids and admire them, they are truely brave. Although I admire her charity work I do so miss Angelina's goth alter -ego.

I realise when I look at some fashion mags that looking like a tasteful expensive clone is their end all and be all (Glamour a big felon in this). Much creativity is disappearing in Women. Fashion is becoming a uniform of conformity to good taste and over consumptive spending. Do we really need a 5000 dollar handbag. Maybe the rich need to spend more on taxes. They do use airports and the toilet. Maybe they should be made to pay an unfair share taxes like the poor and middle class. Why when we talk about fairness and not overburdening people it is the rich and corporate america who make it sound like they are one step away collaspsing from the weight of their burden. If you do not wish to be socially responsible, then giveaway your money and try being poor, you will love to be in a high tax bracket after that experience. If you refuse to pay your burden, then give up all wealth you made off the american people and go live somewhere else. No one ever became wealthy in a vacuumn it was off the backs of someone else that true wealth is accomplished. You can at least pay for the some of the chiropractor bills of those people.

Fashion Angst and money morals

steppe wanderer

Today I was surfing the web and hit a couple of fashion mag sites. I like fashion because to be honest part of me is shallow and likes pretty clothes even if they are made by slave labor. It is like diamonds I think they are beautiful but since the 80's I have not looked at them seriously to buy because of the amount of human pain that goes on in producing them. To be honest fur coats are pretty but again I am not saving up for the pure reason of the pain factor it takes to produce it. But regular clothes and steak for some reason I can find a way to ignore the pain factor. I am not a person who believes that because I eat a hamburger, it is all of a sudden premissable; I can and should wear a mink coat or a blood diamond, sometimes a line must be drawn in the sand of of morality and personal responsibility to the world and an adherence to causing as little pain and harm while existing in the world. The greatest gift I have been given in the world is the lack of wealth. To some people in the world I am poor but to many others I am very wealthy. I do not have a great deal of disposable income and so for me I am extremely lucky that true immoral behaviour is out of my reach. I will never have to worry that I have paid for a purse or a pair of shoes an amount of money that most Thai families do not earn in a single year.

Here in America there is an obsession with the accumulation of wealth even churches are getting involved with seminars and workshops. ON how to get cherry with Christ and be a miser. I do not know how Christ is viewing this obsession among his followers but I do not think having read his words in the Bible that he is very happy about it.

So I believe that we need a new movement in which Obsessive and obscenely large amounts of money owned by people is viewed as moral deficient and anathema to the human spirit. Obscene wealth and spending should be viewed with the same distaste as Pedophilia and Racism. Maybe them the human race will start to learn personal responsibility and grow up.